“Hey – will you be home in PA in December?
“Yep! What do you wanna do for your birthday?!”
“I want to go to NYC to see it all decorated for Christmas!”
This was a text conversation I had last fall with a very dear friend of mine. Birthdays are important to her and since her husband had passed, I wanted to make sure I was available for whatever her birthday wish was for the big 47 !!
I was kind of excited about a possible trip to NYC but…
From first grade through 10th grade, I lived in Connecticut. The southwestern part of Connecticut, to be exact. My dad was a Captain for American Airlines and, while not wanting to live in NY, he needed to be close to the LaGuardia airport.
As a school girl, we often took field trips into the city on the school bus. A bunch of hormonal junior highers let loose within museums, theatres, and other attractions in NYC.
About this same timeframe, the movie, “The Cross and the Switchblade”, came out in movie theatres. It was the true story of Dave Wilkerson and his work with the gangs in the inner city of NYC.
I remember going to the theatre with a bunch of kids in my youth group to watch this movie. At one point, it became too much for me, too close to my home. I slid off my seat and crouched behind the seat in front of me. The truth of what happened in the city was really hard for me to watch.
Needless to say, school trips to NYC afterward began with a stomach ache, anxiety, fear of meeting up with gang members and getting lost. A couple of times our route took us through Harlem. Peeking through my window confirmed my fears that life was very different in the city. An uncomfortable, scary different.
So when Dee mentioned NYC for her 47th birthday celebration, all those fears flooded my being. She actually wanted to stay overnight in a hotel and walk everywhere, the way she had done with her friends in high school. Dee wanted to see the Christmas markets, Time Square, Rockefeller Center, Radio City Music Hall and so much more!
Feigning confidence, I called another friend of ours who was always up for an adventure. I was thinking “safety in numbers.” Jenny was up for the full NYC immersion! Dee was super excited about her 47th birthday weekend trip to New York City! And I was internally trying to convince myself this was all a good idea.
The morning of December 14th, we loaded into my car and headed to the train station. I’d never taken a train into the city. The “what ifs” of my childhood fears plagued my every thought! Ugh.
But, we found the right train because we talked to some wonderful, helpful passengers waiting with us. Asked another couple on the train, who sat next to us, how to navigate our whereabouts once we reached our stop.
Truth is, we had the most magical time in NYC! People were kind, so many families in Time Square and at the Christmas Markets, and Manhattan was fully dressed for Christmas! And…I boarded and rode the train, early the next morning, by myself without any problems, back to my car. I never felt scared or unsafe. My childhood fears had been unfounded.
This trip was a stark reality check about certain fears that keep me from achieving my dreams and goals. I faced those childhood fears to see if there was any merit. My friends gave me the confidence to move forward. And I was brave enough to ask others for help when I was unsure. With my fears in check and given proper perspective, Dee, Jenny and I made the most incredible Christmas memories as friends!
I’m curious (and because I’m hoping I’m not the only one!), does anyone else have a childhood fear that keeps you from your dreams or adventures?
