I set my “intentions” in mid November. I started putting action to my plan at the end of November. I have been consistent for 5 whole weeks!
No struggle. Free flowing thoughts. My pen gliding over my paper with ease…
Until today.
I started thinking about what I’d write yesterday. Too many ideas flitting around my mind. I shoved them all aside cuz none felt right. I couldn’t emotionally connect.
This morning, per usual, I woke up early. Also per usual, my thoughts immediately focused on what I was going to write. I waited for the infiltration of inspiration. Ugh. Nothing.
Frustration began to creep in. Soon followed by, “who cares anyway?”, “no one will know”, “I’ll just wait another day.”
I climbed out of bed and pulled back the window curtain. Impressive shades of pink striped the winter morning sky. I hurried to put on all the necessary layers of clothing to venture outside and… I missed the sunrise photo.
No solid idea to write about, no beautiful sunrise picture to inspire me.
I shuffled carefully over the frozen drive and prayed my whining prayer. “Lord, I don’t feel like writing today. I know, I know. I’m supposed to write this year…but I just don’t want to today. The ideas aren’t solidifying. Words are hard. Circumstances for writing aren’t what I wish them to be.”
And then it hit me. Just be honest. Be real.
Folks, I’m struggling. I’m struggling to fulfill my commitment to the Lord and to myself. It’s true, no one else will care. But I care. I KNOW what my end goal is. I KNOW what it takes to get there. I KNOW the intentions I set to achieve this goal. I KNOW what I need to do each week to make it happen. I also KNOW –
knowledge without action is powerless.
So here I sit, pen over legal pad, struggling to string words together to make a complete thought. I showed up for myself. I’m choosing, begrudgingly so, to focus on a bigger God-given dream than my immediate comfort level. I’m pushing quantifiable excuses aside and accepting mediocre execution.
…and finding beauty in a warm sun risen through the obscured view of frozen trees.
